Before I say anything else, there WILL be spoilers in this review so if you haven’t seen the movie yet, you may want to wait until you do before reading this.

Now, I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie for a while but it just so happened I ended up in my little home town over the weekend and we took a trip to the theater. So my sisters and I decided we must go see Transformers. And I did not enjoy it.

Now granted, it was just our luck that two drunk hicks sat in the row in front of us and talked quite loudly through most of the movie before they were finally kicked out by the manager. And I have asked myself several times if that was part of the reason I didn’t enjoy the movie as much as I may have if they hadn’t been there. I think, it a small percentage, that was part of it. But mostly it was because the movie sucked.

That really, really surprised me. I thought my expectations were low enough that I could not be disappointed. I told people as long as there were giant robots and explosions, I would be happy. And there WERE giant robots and explosions and I was still disappointed! I honestly died a little inside after I walked out of the theater because I was so disappointed.

The movie started out very well and gave us promise of all the good things that we hope would come with the rest of the film, but it slowly got busier and busier and more awful until where it got to me where I was honestly wondering when it would be over. I just wanted to go home.

Here is why I thought it was a bad movie:

–The plot was too busy. There was too much for Sam to do. He was running all over the place going have a very obscure goal and he was pressed for time, making every scene in the movie very rushed. There was no pacing whatsoever. Every single scene was going as fast as it could to get to the end. It was like watching the Winx Club. It felt like you couldn’t even catch your breath. Some scenes and plot devices could have been taken out to calm the movie down so it could go at a normal pace.

–Too many panoramic shots. About every 10 minutes we were treated to the camera spinning a 360 around the scene we were watching. Making your audience dizzy enough so they don’t notice how bad the movie was? Crafty, but it didn’t work on me.

–Where the crap are the Autobots? I think Optimus Prime had the most screen time in the movie and he was only there in the beginning and the end of the flick. That is how often we got to see them. New characters were added: Sideswipe, Jolt, and Arcee (Who is three motorcycles and, I guess, called that collectively) of these new characters, we got to see pink Arcee’s elbow and purple Arcee got one line. And then she died. Sideswipe got one line. Jolt didn’t get any lines. And not a single one of these characters got a still, non action scene. They were racing through the scenes so fact, you could hardly see them at all. What is the point then? This is the first movie I have ever scene where the good guy side doesn’t get any screen time to introduce their characters.
Bumblebee and Ironhide got a little bit of screen time. With poor Ratchet, I think they kept forgetting he was in the movie. He was only seen in the background. Sometimes.

–The Autobot twins. Skids and Mud Flap got a lot of screen time and a lot of lines. And they were useless and annoying. And ugly and stupid. Remember Jar Jar Binx? Wonder what it would be like if he had a twin brother? Neither did I, but now I know anyway. There was a lesson to be learned from those Star Wars movies, but that lesson was not learned here.

–Too many extra human characters. Sam’s roommate did not need to come in on the adventure with them. He was not interesting or useful enough to be needed for the story. Neither was Agent Simmons. I did not understand the need to bring him back for the second movie. They could have done it without him.

–Megatron was a pussy. Despite almost killing Optimus Prime in the first movie, Megatron has problems taking him down with the help of two other Decepticons. And then we find out that Megatron has a mentor, the Fallen. And Megatron suddenly goes from badass tyrannical leader to pussy whipped lackey. Isn’t that Starscream’s job? I have never seen a scared, submissive Megatron until I saw this movie. You mean he may come back in the third movie? Ooh! So scared now!

– The last mega huge battle scene was too long and painful to sit through. It also made very little sense. Remember we talked about timing? Even fight scenes need timing. There are beats. There’s a flow. And no amount of explosions can cover that up. If I had a watch on, I would have been looking at it, wondering when it was going to end.

There are also a lot of little things I could nit pick at, but I don’t want to be typing all day. But, to be fair, there were a few things I did like about the movie:

– Everything up to the big forest fight was good. I enjoyed it quite well up to that part. Once it got past that scene, everything went down hill. One of the biggest things that ruined it for me was the fact that we were treated to glimpses of our new Autobot characters and I kept expecting them to get some screen time so we could get to know them and actually SEE them. But no. It never happened.

–Soundwave was awesome! I didn’t think his voice quite fit, but he was freaking scary for a robot who just sits out in space. There was just something about a large, dark being floating out in space WATCHING YOU that just gave me chills. Ravage was also very cool.

–The Megatron/Starscream interaction was exactly how we wanted it to be. Very satisfying characterization for the two of them. And they had surprisingly long and intricate Decepticon scenes without any humans in them. But apparently, they didn’t want to offer the same consideration for the Autobots.
The last scene, however where both Starscream and Megatron pull a Starscream and turn tail and run was a bit odd. Though I guess I bit more textbook G1. All we needed was for Megatron to turn around and shake his fist with an “I’ll get you next time Prime!”

–Jetfire was surprisingly entertaining. I honestly don’t think the movie needed him, plot wise. But he was the ONLY robot character that had any characterization. And his dialogue was extremely entertaining. My favorite line from the movie was his “I’m too old for this crap.”

–The CG was good. The fight scenes, not always good or clear on what was going on. But the robots themselves looked fantastic.

Final conclusion: The second movie was no where near as good as the first one and I have no plans on seeing it again anytime soon nor do I think I will buy it when it comes out on DVD. To say I hated it may be too strong a statement, but it just wasn't that great.